What the Shawl Said

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Reflections -- Radhe Radhe!

In reviewing my journal entries, there are still a couple of things I want to say.

Dec 13th, Moscow, 4:45 am
. . .Wow, this is all so strange--this transition from US to India, from work life to my quest life.

There's a Russian movie on the plane. A man goes out with his friends and wakes up the next day in another town, another apartment . . . but he thinks it's his. The woman who lives there does not agree. Various situations arise--old boyfriend, old girlfriend, insecurities--and they fall in love. The search for love, the misidentifications of the spirit, their stories and ramifications. Sounds like samsara to me!

Making the mental transition from the US to India took some time. I had to leave a robotics competition before it was completed to catch the plane on time. Then on the flight I broke a tooth. When I got to India, I couldn't wear my glasses for fear that the monkeys would steal them, then broke another tooth. [Completely unrelated.] It took a good 4 to 5 days before I was oriented and felt that I was actually there. I was finally able to be there without all the worry that goes with a trip. I had food, water, a place to sleep, a monkey stick, extra glasses, and a cell phone. I went to see a dentist. I was at peace with the lizard in my room. I was set. Once I was comfortable with all this, everything was good. But, this transitioning was time consuming. I don't want to do that. I want to be there now. Similar to "Be here now" but there. Not physically, but in consciousness, there.

Dec 22nd, Vrndavana
So many things. It really feels as if I'm being directed. Shown this, then that. So easy to just get lost in it all. . . . So what am I doing here? Just to see that there are so many devotees and they're not nuts is enough. To have faith that Srimati Radharani is directing my path is wonderful. To know that I have initiation from such a wonderful ragatmika bhakta is such a profound and grounded feeling--so secure, so tangible. It's something that is so sufficient, but more. I don't need any more. I need to perfect what I have.

I came on this trip with a little personal agenda. Hoping that Krsna would take of it for me, I felt great. That didn't really work out. I felt like I was fighting myself. It wasn't good. I spent a day in bed bemoaning the trip and decided to just let it be, then the tides changed. A friend asked me how I knew that Srimati Radharani was directing me. Everywhere I went everyone was telling me stories about Radharani, reading verses and saying that Radharani was the foremost maidservant so we should pray to Her for understanding, I was next to Radha Syamasundara Mandir where She graced Syamananda Prabhu, and I was sleeping every night right next to Seva Kunj! She was always there. She is the guru, my Svamini.

Jan 2nd, Moscow
Leaving Vrndavana was a bit of a trial. I saw online that the flight was canceled, so the person I was driving with into Delhi went without me. After talking with a travel agent, it turned out that it wasn't canceled. Naughty Krsna. Took the wind out of my sails about how happy I was to leave. I cried when it was finally time to go. It was really so mixed--all the filth and trash, all the goswamis and tirthas. And then there's the hidden Vrndavana. I think that Vrndavana can be found anywhere, it's just hidden.

This was my mystical exit from Vrndavana. I did finally give everything up--leaving, staying, whatever, Krsna, you decide. Then, everything fell into place and I could leave. Then I started to cry because I was leaving, I didn't want to go. Naughty Krsna. A friend wrote: "Oh my. Poor you! Stuck with Krsna!!! He is very naughty boy! Berry berry bad boy!! See you berry soon!"

The transitioning out of Vrndavana was much quicker, unfortunately. Had an all-school meeting 2 days after I got home. Was so very happy, but gradually the tedium of work eroded it.

You should go, take a transcendental trip, be there now.
Radhe Radhe!
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More on Sri Radha Syamasundaradevajimaharaja

I just have to write some more about this temple. You must visit their website http://www.radhashyamsundar.com/ Such beautiful pictures! This is what hundreds of years of Deity worship looks like. They, the Divine Couple, are so beautiful. Oh, the title of this posting is from a shawl that was given to me by the pujaris. All around the border it says "Sri Dhama Vrndavana," then in big letters down the middle it says, "Sri Radha Syamasundaradevajimaharaja."

I loved going there in the mornings to chant. It was just unbelievable to watch the pujaris apply the sandalwood designs to Their faces. The pujaris leave the doors open so you can see what they're doing. (You can see from this picture that He has incredible designs on His face.) It's a wonderful meditation. When I was there it was cold, the Deities wore mittens, so only Their faces were decorated.

First, using a small stick and a cup of sandalwood paste, the pujari draws the outline of the arch above His eyes, then waits for it to dry. Then he makes the dots above the arch, then pulls the sandalwood in each dot down to touch the arch. Once that's all dry, he can make the other decorations on His cheeks and chin and fill in the arches.

This one morning, there was drama going on. The pujari made the arches and was beginning to make the dots above one arch. The head pujari came by and talked to him about it, then walked away. He came back and said something else, then took a wet cloth and erased part of the arch and some of the dots over one eye. The other pujari then went back to work redoing the arch and dots. The head pujari came by again, said something, and erased a little more above both eyes, then walked away. The other pujari went back to work. Again, the head pujari came back. This time he erased it all and walked away. The other pujari went back to work, without a word. The head pujari came back again. This time he erased everything and did it himself. He worked very quickly. He studied the Lord's face, rested his arm on Krsna's hand, and finished all the decorations adeptly. It was amazing to watch! While all this was going on, I was moving from one side to the other to keep up with the drama. Very fun! What a great morning.

On my last full day in Vrndavana I wanted to see Syamananda's bhajan kuti. It's underground. Apparently they found it while doing construction on a new building in the temple complex. So, down a flight of stairs into a small, vaulted room. Made, or reinforced, with brick, it was quite warm on this cold January day. Inside there were Deities of Syamananda and Rasikananda, his disciple. It reminded me of a sensory deprivation tank. You couldn't hear anything and were impervious to weather and just about everything, including monkeys!

I can see this kutir as a way to focus for meditation, but I so love the world that Krsna has created. I love to see Him in all of everything.
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Nidhuvana

From my journal:

Went to Nidhuvana, the place where Sri Sri Radha and Krsna sometimes rest after Their night of dancing. Very clean, lots of short trees (or tall shrubs) with clean, dusty dirt all around, with little pathways going in and out and around all over. You can just see the gopis running through them with Krsna.

This is where Haridas performed his bhajan and where he found Banke-behari. [Haridas established the style of singing called dhrupad.] Haridas' samadhi is here, also.

There is a small temple there that I, at first, didn't understand. As I looked at the Deities, I saw Krsna holding a flute and the pujari said that Lalita and Vishakha were on either side. It just seemed weird that Srimati Radharani was missing. The pujari saw that I was confused. He repeated that this is Lalita, this is Vishakha. Finally I realized that it was Radharani with the flute! This is where She stole Krsna's flute! There She was, Radha the flute player.

This is a beautiful little grove. The dirt is very fine and clean. Walked completely around, found more pathways under the trees. Monkeys not really interested in people. Got dusty from paying obeisances and crawling around trying to get through the bushes. Started to brush it off, but thought that was a really stupid idea. I was covered in the dust of Vrndavana, isn't this what we pray for? Tried to spend more time on the ground to get more on me. Such a nice place, strangely magical. If hidden Vrndavana is anywhere, it's here.
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Rangaji Temple

I spent some time trying to find the Rangaji Temple. The last time I was in Vrndavana, Srimati Radharani gave us the darshan of an elaborate and exquisite bathing ceremony of Her in the outside courtyard temple. (It was an ecstatic event to end our visit.) I wanted to go back.

I looked at the map and had an idea of where to go so I started out. Didn't find it. Tried again the next day, found it, it was closed. Went earlier the next day, found it, it was open. Twenty years ago this temple was closed to Westerners, but now it's open. I went in and was very happy.

It's a South Indian style temple with the big towering gates. The inside has the main temple in the middle, with Deities all along the inside wall with Their own rooms. As I was walking around I found what I was looking for. As a person possessed, I walked toward it and paid my obeisances. After twenty years my memory was fairly accurate, but dimensions and distances were a little off. But, there it was. Took some pictures but the memory is much more rich--with sounds of shennai, smells of incense, and the vision of Srimati Radharani being bathed. So beautiful and opulent . . . and personal.

Here's what I wrote twenty years ago. (The pictures are from this current trip.) The "we" here are my daughter and I. She was in 8th grade at the time.

Our last day in Vrindavana. I really like it here, I don't want to leave. We went this morning to visit our neighbors in back of the guest house. Small compound with cows and an altar with Radha Krishna. Nice, but dusty.

Took a rickshaw to Vamsi Vat, the wish fulfilling tree. Prayed that I would become a good devotee and understand Prabhupada's teachings correctly. Went walking after that to try and find the Jamuna river.

We happened into a really wonderful temple, the Rangaji Mandira. Southern Indian style in architecture and very spacious with large courtyard and bathing ghat. We came in through the main gate and saw a small temple (can't remember if Garuda or Hanuman was there). Just beyond this was a large building with heavy canvas-like material covering all four sides.

As we came up to the building there were a few groups of women sitting on two sides. A man came up to us and said to us in a little English that soon there would be darshan. So we walked around and when we heard the bells ringing we came back.

The guards weren't going to let us back in, saying "Not allowed, not allowed." I said I didn't understand and kept walking. The same man we'd seen before came and told the guards it was okay and took us to a spot and told us to sit down. I could see into the building where the curtain had been drawn and there was Srimati Radharani being attended to by a group of brahmans.

[This is the courtyard temple where the ceremony took place. It had heavy canvas "walls" on all four sides and opened facing the ghat. We sat at the top of the stairs of the ghat. In the picture it's that little roof to the right.]

At the curtains were guards holding silver staffs and yak fans and another guard with a rifle. Inside the brahmans were attending to Radha's morning bath. I couldn't believe it. It was so intimate. They were using silver articles to offer her perfumed cloths, bathed her with milk, yogurt, water, sandalwood paste, washed her hair, put henna in it, and decorated it was a garland of flowers. Women were singing outside. They offered a ghee lamp and there were these magnificent horns and drums that were played.

The curtains closed, but no one moved. Brahmans were singing chants now. Occasionally a woman would come into the compound and offer some food to Her by giving it to the priest. Then the bells again and the curtains opened. Radha was there and they were showing Her how She looked in a mirror. Then they placed a tray over Her head and poured water in it. The tray had holes in it and so the water lightly showered down on Her. I watched and was overwhelmed by the opulence, the grandeur, the devotion, the intimacy, and the privilege that we were able to at the right spot at the right time.

More bells started ringing and the man we had met came back and told us, "Go! Go!" and so our darshan had ended. With that abrupt dismissal we paid our obeisances to the Queen of Vrindavan and left.
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Seven Temples

I was able to visit all seven original temples. I had gone to a few of them by myself, but wasn't getting along fast enough. I had heard about a mother and son from New Zealand who were going every day to all seven and met them at a party. The son, N, was 10 years old and was actually going by himself these days. His mother said that he would love to take me and so we planned to meet the following day at Radha Syamasundara.

It was great and we had such a great time. He was a wonderful guide, knew all kinds of things, where special places were, and all the shortcuts! We went from Radha Syamasundara Mandir to Radha Damodara Mandir, then took a rikshaw to Madan Mohan Mandir (old and new) and saw some samadhis. Then back by rikshaw to Gokulananda Mandir, then walked to Radha Raman Mandir, more samadhis and appearance place, Radha Gopinatha Mandir (picture above of the older one) and samadhi, then Govinda Mandir (old and new) and Yogamaya's spot there. Quite a whirlwind tour. I think we did it in 2-1/2 hours.

In general, I was very happy with the level of Deity worship. I know that sounds very stuck up, but when we came twenty years ago, things were pretty abysmal. Deity rooms were dirty, outfits were mismatched and subpar, pujaris were often not present--it just wasn't what you would expect. This time I felt that Everyone was well taken care of and that there was great attention to detail. Even with all the controversy about Radha Damodar Mandir and Srila Prabhupada's quarters, I must say that everything looks very good there.

I spent some time at the Govinda Temple of Rupa Goswami (pictures to the right and below). In looking at the years that things were built and when people died, I found some interesting things I hadn't known. For instance, Rupa Goswami never saw the Govinda Temple. He died in 1564 and the temple was completed in 1590. Raghunath Bhatta Gosvami and his disciples began construction some time after 1570. It's an absolutely exquisite building. I can't imagine what it looked like before it was taken apart. I really loved it there.

I went into the cave of Yogamaya next to the temple. It's also the spot where the Govinda Deity was found. You have to walk up a bunch of stairs to get to the door, enter a little vestibule, then go down some stairs with a very low ceiling to get to the shrine. The ceiling there is also very low. Apparently this Deity of Yogamaya (Lord Krsna's sister) was also worshipped by Rupa Goswami and was put in safekeeping during the raids and then reinstalled.

There was a kirtan going on in the cave, very quiet and sweet. Then two women starting crying--at first very softly, then louder and gasping for air, in ecstasy. This kind of crying has happened to me. It just takes over and you can't control it. It can be very embarrassing. So here I was on the other side of it as an observer. I appreciated it but then I wanted it to stop. Not very kind on my part. I guess I didn't understand it. I found myself wanting to know more about what they were feeling and why.

I've never heard about the Goswamis worshipping Yogamaya. It seems a very interesting idea. Almost as if two traditions have overlapped here. Anyone out there know about this?
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Soooo long ago!

My daughter connected with an old friend the other day on Facebook and came up with this picture--1979, San Francisco, at Ratha Yatra. Wow. Thirty years ago. I still have that sari, too funny! We used to make Lord Jagannatha a cart using her wagon and take Them all to the park. We'd have cookies, sandesh, fruit, and nectar drink to offer and then distribute the prasadam. I'll see if I can find some of those pictures. Now I can do the same with my grandson. Hmmm, he has a great wagon.