Reflections -- Radhe Radhe!

In reviewing my journal entries, there are still a couple of things I want to say.

Dec 13th, Moscow, 4:45 am
. . .Wow, this is all so strange--this transition from US to India, from work life to my quest life.

There's a Russian movie on the plane. A man goes out with his friends and wakes up the next day in another town, another apartment . . . but he thinks it's his. The woman who lives there does not agree. Various situations arise--old boyfriend, old girlfriend, insecurities--and they fall in love. The search for love, the misidentifications of the spirit, their stories and ramifications. Sounds like samsara to me!

Making the mental transition from the US to India took some time. I had to leave a robotics competition before it was completed to catch the plane on time. Then on the flight I broke a tooth. When I got to India, I couldn't wear my glasses for fear that the monkeys would steal them, then broke another tooth. [Completely unrelated.] It took a good 4 to 5 days before I was oriented and felt that I was actually there. I was finally able to be there without all the worry that goes with a trip. I had food, water, a place to sleep, a monkey stick, extra glasses, and a cell phone. I went to see a dentist. I was at peace with the lizard in my room. I was set. Once I was comfortable with all this, everything was good. But, this transitioning was time consuming. I don't want to do that. I want to be there now. Similar to "Be here now" but there. Not physically, but in consciousness, there.

Dec 22nd, Vrndavana
So many things. It really feels as if I'm being directed. Shown this, then that. So easy to just get lost in it all. . . . So what am I doing here? Just to see that there are so many devotees and they're not nuts is enough. To have faith that Srimati Radharani is directing my path is wonderful. To know that I have initiation from such a wonderful ragatmika bhakta is such a profound and grounded feeling--so secure, so tangible. It's something that is so sufficient, but more. I don't need any more. I need to perfect what I have.

I came on this trip with a little personal agenda. Hoping that Krsna would take of it for me, I felt great. That didn't really work out. I felt like I was fighting myself. It wasn't good. I spent a day in bed bemoaning the trip and decided to just let it be, then the tides changed. A friend asked me how I knew that Srimati Radharani was directing me. Everywhere I went everyone was telling me stories about Radharani, reading verses and saying that Radharani was the foremost maidservant so we should pray to Her for understanding, I was next to Radha Syamasundara Mandir where She graced Syamananda Prabhu, and I was sleeping every night right next to Seva Kunj! She was always there. She is the guru, my Svamini.

Jan 2nd, Moscow
Leaving Vrndavana was a bit of a trial. I saw online that the flight was canceled, so the person I was driving with into Delhi went without me. After talking with a travel agent, it turned out that it wasn't canceled. Naughty Krsna. Took the wind out of my sails about how happy I was to leave. I cried when it was finally time to go. It was really so mixed--all the filth and trash, all the goswamis and tirthas. And then there's the hidden Vrndavana. I think that Vrndavana can be found anywhere, it's just hidden.

This was my mystical exit from Vrndavana. I did finally give everything up--leaving, staying, whatever, Krsna, you decide. Then, everything fell into place and I could leave. Then I started to cry because I was leaving, I didn't want to go. Naughty Krsna. A friend wrote: "Oh my. Poor you! Stuck with Krsna!!! He is very naughty boy! Berry berry bad boy!! See you berry soon!"

The transitioning out of Vrndavana was much quicker, unfortunately. Had an all-school meeting 2 days after I got home. Was so very happy, but gradually the tedium of work eroded it.

You should go, take a transcendental trip, be there now.
Radhe Radhe!
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